I've written my second haibun today; I was inspired by the harsh winds that make their presence known during the harsh winter months here in Bowling Green. I had to write this one while I was in the frame of mind to write; unfortunately that happened during my Poetry Workshop class! (Sorry Theresa!)
Haibun #2
Roaring wind blows through my hair. My cheeks turn red against its freezing bite. The cold makes my nose drip.
winter wind
bites frozen skin
brings on a cold
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Roaring wind blows through my hair. My cheeks turn red against its freezing bite. The cold makes my nose drip.
ReplyDeletewinter wind
bites frozen skin
brings on a cold
May I make suggestions? I would recommend getting rid of the repetition and reversing the order of the prose/haiku portion.
Winter wind blows through my hair, bites the skin, brings on a cold.
hair whips
against red cheeks
nose drips
The reason is that I think your prose section has more imagery than the haiku. Something to think about! Good job on doing another haibun!
hmmm, I'm still a little bothered by the repetition of hair.
ReplyDeleteWinter wind bits the skin, brings on a cold.
hair whips
against red cheeks
nose drips
Typo!
ReplyDeleteWinter wind bites the skin, brings on a cold.
hair whips
against red cheeks
nose drips